"Same s***, different number"

One December about a decade ago, my colleagues and I paused on a Friday afternoon to share our hopes and dreams for the coming year.

Between us we had the usual milestone birthdays to celebrate, special holidays to look forward to, but there were also some poignant things shared - a partner’s recovery from long-term illness, debt finally paid down, plus my own anticipation of what a new life in London could bring.

But one colleague couldn’t see the point: from her perspective nothing would change because it was only the “same s*$%, different number” with each passing year.

The rest of us were somewhat startled by her admission, while also respecting her honesty.

As an empath, I immediately wondered why she had nothing to look forward to.

Personally, London had brought me to my knees that year - I had already moved three times while renting with some mean landladies who all handed me notice for one random reason after another. But even I was hoping that better things lay ahead for me after a year of dodgy rental situations.

Today I understand where that colleague’s pessimism might have come from: the relentlessness of women’s being and doing for other people.

Of course, I am only projecting without knowing what was really true for her, but I can guess from her apathy the feeling of life having passed her by, from giving up on herself and her dreams simply because she had to put everyone else first.

She probably couldn’t have risked anything or rocked the boat in any way in order to provide her family with the stability needed for their growth.

Which also clarifies the meanness of my landladies: I was the fearless younger woman on the adventure of a lifetime, risking everything to change careers and countries, full of vitality because I had no choice but to live from moment to moment, while they had created a rut for themselves by choosing sameness and predictability.

So their illusion of where happiness would come from was shattered, and I had become a threat to what they had put their faith in.

The comfort zone trap:

The truth is that all of those women could have made different choices if they wanted to create change within their lives - that is if they wanted to and had the will to get out of their comfort zone.

In psychology they define this as learned optimism vs. learned helplessness.

Naturally it takes a huge commitment to yourself and to choosing yourself to get out of that kind of rut.

The best thing you could do is prevent this scenario: to not let yourself slide to your comfort zone in the first place, but to ask “what do I want and how can I make what I want possible?”

And that is where I can help you as a coach - when you still have the will and desire to experience a different outcome, rather than choose to give up and be resigned to the obstacles you encounter.

So my question to you today is whether you might be in the danger of choosing your comfort zone or staying in a rut over choosing the challenge and growth that will come with fighting for yourself and your skills and your capabilities.

Now if you have intentionally chosen your comfort zone after an intensely busy or demanding phase in life or work, that is important to respect. Sometimes the best thing a woman can do is to give herself pause because society can constantly demand that we over-extend ourselves.

Or perhaps your current role might have had such a big growth curve that you are still learning on the job and you want to consolidate before taking on new challenges. Pausing for such reasons is understandable.

But make sure that you give yourself a deadline and continue to check in whether a pause is still relevant for you.

If it is causing you to lose your professional edge instead, then I invite you to do something about it before it gets too late.

I speak to so many women who have chosen to let things slide for so long that when they try to get back into the game, they project so much inertia to others that they might no longer be seen as the right person to be hired, promoted or progressed into bigger opportunities.

Is that fair? No.

But companies themselves have to constantly do things faster, better and more efficiently all the time to win and keep business - that is just the truth of our times.

So I encourage you to do an honest evaluation of where you are in your career journey as we prepare to step into a new year.

Is next year going to be more of the same old, same old for you? Or will you gift yourself new possibilities?

Or will you gift yourself new possibilities?

Will you let your team, your projects and clients benefit from all of those years of wisdom, experience, and insight that you bring to the table?

As Prince sang in Last December:

If your last December came

What would you do?

Will anybody remember

To remember you?

Did you stand tall?

Or did you fall?

Did you give your all?

Remember, you can choose a different trajectory in 2026. It simply starts with a choice that you make today.