Protect your self-concept at all costs

I had the surreal experience recently of speaking to two women the same day who were going through exactly the same challenge, but were responding to it in completely different ways.

Let me begin by saying that these were two smart, high-achieving mid-career women who excel at what they do.

And let me also put this out there - in having had to establish themselves in a new country, they must have had to work way harder than any of their peers to get where they are now.

But they were being held back in their careers for apparently no fault of their own.

Their progression had stalled without any explanation for why they were not being considered for promotion.

I can imagine how frustrating, disheartening and lonely this must feel, but outwardly, these two women seemed to keep giving their best in spite of the barriers they faced.

On the inside was a different picture - one of them seemed convinced that there was something she wasn’t doing. She was desperate to find out what she needed to change in order to win the game.

Her self-concept was weakened - she had forgotten her intrinsic value and I could see that it wasn’t a healthy place for her to be in the long term.

The second woman seemed completely at peace.

When I asked her how she had managed to protect her mindset through what was clearly an unfair situation, she said to me with total clarity: “There’s no point in thinking about it.”

She had turned her attention in the meantime to purchasing an investment property as a way of securing her future. With or without the promotion.

The win for her is not the money she stands to make, but what she gains from protecting her sense of self and her energy.

That in itself is worth thirty promotions.

Sometimes the NOs say more about the very people denying you what you want.

So you have to choose to never let them make you feel less than enough.

The YESs are out there waiting for you. Trust me on this. 

But they are more likely to show up in your life when you feel good about yourself.

Two ways I can help you repair your self-concept:

• Aspire & Ascend: My flagship 1-1 coaching programme for mid-senior female leaders launching soon. Register your interest.

• Leadership Lab: Enrolment is now closed. Join the waitlist