“Power rarely says no to women directly."

Power rarely says no to women directly. It delays, redirects and exhausts them instead.” - Arundhati Roy

Today I want to throw out an idea about collective ways in which we people-please.

If you’re in my community, you might relate to being ‘the good girl’ - something that shows up in a lot of my clients and is a pattern that I myself identify with.

The good girl, as I see it, is how many of our generation of women learned to find our value in our families and communities.

Most of us, wherever in the world we were born, were blessed with more opportunities and possibilities than previous generations to be more and do more.

But what was missing in our lives was clear direction.

No one had much of a vision for us.

So right from a young age, we earned our value and validation from being ‘valuable'.

From getting things done at home, doing well at school, keeping the peace in our friend circles, taking care of anyone who needed looking after, never rocking the boat, being mostly dutiful and respectful to the authority figures around us, etc.

Eventually we took this into the workplace because our 'we can do it all' attitude both fuels us and forms a core part of our identity.

Along the way we achieve big things, but we might also get burnt out, take on more responsibility than is fair for us to handle, and struggle to relax and find balance in the process.

But for all our efforts, the rewards might not be forthcoming: the good girl might get at most a pat on the head, but none of the power.

I speak to numerous women who are in that same place: their careers are not progressing into leadership, partly because their programming has made them masters at ‘doing’, but not ‘being’.

Their next career move requires them to step up and embody, amongst other things, leadership presence.

Which demands that they give up their people pleaser because you simply cannot serve the highest good of your team or company that way.

I have helped many coachees to step up into leadership, and the difference in how they show up is like night and day.

Step by step they develop healthier ways of relating with their teams, and eventually become well-liked and respected leaders who inspire confidence in others.

Giving up people pleasing also enhances their wellbeing because they stop firefighting or fixing everyone’s problems, and instead empower and guide their direct reports in finding solutions.

Conquering people pleasing is a valuable skill for anyone who leads with heart, or aspires to be that kind of leader.

If this is you, I invite you to join my masterclass on Thursday 29th January 2026 at 12pm UK and 1pm CET where we uncover strategies to help you with Conquering People Pleasing.

Here is the link to book your place. 

I hope to see you there and I look forward to meeting those of you who have already signed up!