Your comfort zone IS the patriarchy

If you have heard my talks or have been in this community for a while, you know that I never mention the patriarchy. This is for three reasons: 

• I believe in personal power above everything else, because men have had a huge head start, but how many have successfully used that advantage?

• If you have had toxic treatment from women, then you know that the alternative (matriarchy?) sounds equally terrifying.

• The masculine energy within each of us is as vital to our success as is our feminine energy. Why not harness it instead of reject it?

  
  

Yet, I never sugarcoat the reality of the systems and structures that keep women small, pervading the air almost like the oxygen we breathe.

But I always frame this dynamic as our big opportunity. Both yours and mine.

Our generation of women don’t have to worry about the big choices: aiming for C-Suite, exiting a relationship that isn’t working, having one (or no) child instead of many, retiring earlier than our employers want us to, turning our passions into successful side hustles.

There is plenty of support available for all of those things today.

The choices we sadly ignore, time and time again, are the ones that involve putting ourselves first:

• Treating yourself (maybe to an ice cream or a cookie, assuming you have no health or dietary concerns).

• Investing in your personal development or wellbeing that no one sees, instead of only investing in the external things that other people notice (your appearance, status, accessories).

• Getting help from a professional (a coach, a lawyer, an assistant) that gets you out of struggle and changes your life for the better.

  
  

Saying YES to these things reconnects you with your personal power in a system that is designed to take it away.

What do you really gain by denying yourself a moment of joy or staying stuck in a terrible situation year after year?

Yet women are falling over themselves to make excuses for not choosing the very help they need: because I need to be responsible, because I need to prioritise something else, because I need to be careful, all of which is actually code for “I need to be the good girl”.

How can you put the blame elsewhere when your comfort zone IS the patriarchy?

Remember that the patriarchy is not really here to support women’s pleasure or privilege.

So in saying NO to your needs and staying small, you are playing right into its hands.

Don't like the sound of that?

Then what new choices will you make after reading this? I would love to know - please leave a comment.

And if you are ready to make new choices, here is how I can help you:

• Aspire & Ascend: Launching this month for mid-senior female leaders, with a special pre-launch offer for the first 6 spots. Register your interest.

• Leadership Lab: Enrolment is now closed. Email me to refer a friend or colleague who is a new or aspiring female leader under 33 years old.